AS THE YEAR COMES TO A CLOSE

As the year comes to a close i visualise and look back unto the past 11 months. Broke up with the love of my life, found another, being hospitalised 3 times, felt how crap intubation can be. wrote stories of sadness, death, life, freedom. Discovered new bands, forgot others, got into a state of depression, became suicidal, tried suicide. Felt how great life is. Did some good ads, did alot of shit ads. Made new friends, forgot others. Discovered true ones and ditched fake ones.

alcohol taste the same on all days, but sweetest on a weekday. Found out iam an alcholik. Have a shrink called catherine, and her mate old job watene. Still searching for the truth in life, religion feels like the wind. Philosospy is philosophy. Those you work with are just your work mates. Don't fuck a chick from the office. Women have become very upfront. Got to feel how it is to be seen as a piece of meat to be eaten. Discovered that as much as i wanted something else, all she wanted was sex. JUST TO FUCK ME. ha! felt weird even weird when it happened again and again. ( with different girls) the mind hunter is prey)

Why do i write? Because it feels great, i escape from the reality and build my own realm. I visualise other creatures, create other beings extend my thoughts of creation and imagination. I do not write what i write because iam evil, because iam a demon loving atheist. i write because i just love to write about that which runs in a realm of the unseen.

For the ones who hate me, loathe, me, FUCK YOU AND YOU MAMA. I DONT FUCKING CARE WHAT ANYBODY THINKS OR SAYS. ITS BEEN A FUCKED UP YEAR AND I AM REBORN.

what the fuck iam just bored

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME IN

PLease please let me in iam beging you..............

LOVE IN BONDAGE

etherial thoughts..

I CRY TOO....

In thy walk in the world, they ridicule me, abuse me, tease me.... reveal my weakness. I once came across a man with no eyes, one with no feet another with no arms.... all in unison they worked together.. in unison they helped each. It was amazing in the light of all they pushedon..... i can walk alone but love to walk amongst them...


From the very start i was alone, from the very start i was an outcast. . from them they chassed me from them i lost my wings.. from them i lost my will to live..... But iam now revelling in the songs of my spirit... in my own calm storm.i watch as i grow back into a creature far greater thaN they could imagein. the spirits saved me.. kept me.. taught me. To be special is a gift, to be different is not a sin. To crave the other, rather than the latter is not abomination. to BE OR NOT TO HEAL....

Today i leave the nest to hear and follow the sound s ringing in my ears,,,, i have heard them for years and they said soon.. i will have to look for them ].. i turn back for a last glance in hope... in hope of a call baack. Deeep in me though i want to follow my destiny.. the gates shut tehe water rises the only visual symbol of my keepsers .. my saviours .. The crows fly a wave they dissapear. In fog iam lost... in sound iam found. What where how. Wherre will i go waht wil i do.

FOLLOW MY HEART, MY SOUL, MY INSTINCT. FOLLOW THE SOUND

All i have is death thoughts of teh keeper, carry on are the thoughts of my progress.. my wings are getting bigger, the sounds lounder, the feeelings deeprer . the inrigues intense the feeelings are taking control now.. I do not fathom the thoughts of my transgressors for now i feel in the rythm of what is going on.. My body iss in pain. more painfull than their hate ,,, more tearfull than their whipps. more etherial than my keepers brush.........

someone is forming ,, something is growing,, iam evolving . i feel like iam getting out of my skin........ iam inn pain auuuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhh..... BUT YET IT FEELS SO GOOOD.. I AM REBORN OR IAM DYING. TONIGHT UNDER THE WOMB OF FOG I DISCOVER MY PLIGHT. I TAKE NO FLIGHT. FOR MY ANSWERS,,,, MY DESTINY IS COMING TO A CLOSURE AND A BEGINING OF WHAT IAM WHAT I CAN BE HHEHEHEHHAHAHAHAHHA....


LET THE PAIN, TAKE CONTROL, LET THE PLEASURE FLOW, LET MY BLOOD DRIP. LET MY FLESH TEEAR. LET MY WINGS GROW. LET THE GODS SEE A CHILD CREATED BY THEM BURN IN TORTURE. ONLY TO BE REBORN THEY SAY. MY SAVIOUR AWAITS MY DESTINY IS NOT GONE BUT BEGINING. THE DEVIL, THE ANGEL, THE DEMONS, THE PRINCIPALITIES HEAR MY SHRIEK. LET MY ENEMIES KNOW IAM COMING TO THEM TO THEM IN THEIR DREAMS TO THEM IN THEIR WWAKE O DEATH THEY SHALL NOT RUN. THE STORM IS ABOUT TO BREW.... HAHAAHHHAAHHHAHHHHHHHAHHHHAHAHH IAM REBORN. IN SPIRIT FORM.. LIKE A DEMON IAM NOT, AN ANGEL IAM NOT. WINGS OF FIRE.. A BODY OF WITERED FLESH BREAKIN OUT OF DARKNESS THAT CANT SMOTHNER MY AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


IAM FREE